Arthur Christmas (aka Claus).
Where do you live?
The North Pole.
What’s your connection to Santa?
I’m his son, Which makes SANTA MY DAD!!!!
You seem very excited about this. Did you just find out?
No. I’ve always known. (That SANTA’S MY DAD!!!!)
You don’t have a big white beard like your father.
I tried to grow one a few years ago. Five months later I had one very long thin white hair
sticking out of my chin. It made my head look like a balloon on a string. I tripped over it
in an ice corridor and it tore out. Ouch. Never again!
Any other ways in which you differ from your father?
Um, I have a phobia of heights, reindeer and travelling at high speed. I have no sense of
direction. And I’m allergic to snow. And I’m skinny. And my laugh’s quite different to
dad’s. Listen. (laughs) See what I mean?
You sound more like a baby seal than Santa.
Thanks!
What’s your favourite time of year?
Christmas.
Least favourite time of year?
The day after Christmas.
Why?
Because I’ll have to wait a whole year until Christmas.
Favourite word?
Christmas.
Adjective?
Christmassy.
Verb?
Christmassing.
What’s ‘Christmassing’?
The act of liking Christmas. All the time. And having Christmas fun. And doing
Christmassy things. And filling every bit of space in the whole world with tinsel and
paper chains.
Favourite colour?
Green and red, preferably combined in a Christmas-centric design.
Favourite possession?
My fluffy light-up reindeer slippers. They play up to two carols and are made in China (I
guess the Chinese love Christmas too!).
Favourite song?
‘The 365 Days of Christmas’.
Don’t you mean ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’?
No. I love that song, but I don’t understand why you’d stop after only 12 verses. So I
added another 353. Shall I sing it?
Umm…
I won’t sing the whole song, That takes 22 hours and 13 minutes. I’ll just sing the last
verse - only 12 minutes. (Sings:) On the 365th day of Christmas, My True Love gave to
me, 365 wolves a-howling, 364 frogs a-ribbiting, 363 chimps a-whooping, 362 Yelloweared
cockatoos a-squawking, 210 black widow spiders a-scurrying, 209 slugs a
nothinging...I could go on…
That’s okay, thanks. Favourite TV show?
Well, as us Clauses and the elves live in a secret base, we have our own TV network. So
we have shows you wouldn’t know.
Try us.
Dancing with the Elves
Who wants to be a Millionelf
So You think You can Wrap
Pole Idol
Two and a Half Elves
It’s Always Sunny in Longyearbyen
North Park
Family Elf
30 Glacier
Chill Street Blues
The Ice is Right
North Star Trek
The Cold and the Beautiful
Chill & Grace
The X-Mas Files
Favourite movie?
That’s a tie between ‘Independence Sleigh’ and ‘Raiders of the Lost Arctic’.
You’d think that living at the North Pole, having to plan Christmas all year round, you might get a bit bored with It all, no?
Not me! I have a 365 Day Advent Calendar and a different Christmas sweater for every
day of the year.
Tell us about your family.
Well, first there’s my dad (SANTA!). He’s been in his job for 70 years, which means he’s
due to retire this year and hand over to my brother Steve. He’s amazing (He’s Santa –
how could he not be?), though I think he finds all the technology a bit bewildering (as do
I!). He sometimes forgets the PIN number for getting round the pole (as do I) and a few
weeks back he last the keys to the S-1 (His mile wide sleighship). Turned out I’d picked
them up by accident. But even though it’s a demanding job, dad LOVES being Santa.
I’m not sure he’s that excited about retiring. Whenever anyone asks him what he has
planned, he says ‘Chilly out, today’ or ‘That’s a nice Christmas sweater, Arthur. Is it
new?’ (To which I say ‘No, dad. I wore it on April 9 last year as well’).
Mum’s great. She’s incredibly bright. Sometimes Grandsanta embarrasses everyone at
dinner by saying she’s cleverer than dad (which he thinks is miraculous for a woman). I
think she finds it a little frustrating at times having to exist in dad’s shadow, so she keeps
herself busy by taking online degrees, studying flight manuals for space shuttles and
drawing up treaties with Greenland. I think she’s looking forward to dad retiring.
Then there’s my granddad, Grandsanta, (the Santa before dad). He’s 136, has loads of
brilliant old words like ‘Chimbley’, ‘Kadoodle’ and ‘Mesopotania’ and is full of
amazing stories about how things were better in his day, when he used to go out in the
old sleigh. Grandsanta argues a lot with my brother Steve, who says things are harder
these days, because there are a billion more children and ‘We can’t just fly around
throwing lead-painted toys down chimneys any more’. Like other really old people,
Grandsanta can be a bit un-pc sometimes, especially about women and elves.) I don’t
think he’s ever quite got used to not being Santa. There’s a story the elves tell (which
nobody in the family will discuss) that Grandsanta snuck back out a couple of decades
ago in his old sleigh and nearly caused an international incident. But elves do sometimes
exaggerate.
Steve’s AMAZING. (My whole family are amazing, really). He’s incredibly smart – he
designed the S-1 and came up with its self-projecting invisibility ‘video skin’ and its
propulsion system powered by Mistletane, a biofuel made from all the milk, cookies and
carrots kids leave out for Santa and the reindeer. Steve sometimes uses strange words like ‘Festivize’, and ‘Maximize market share of cheer-based deliverables year on year’. Then again, he sometimes looks confused if I say ‘Isn’t it great that we can bring so much
happiness to so many kids?’. Then he goes back to talking about the ‘Quantitative
performance of our Yule-based infrastructure.’ But I’m sure he’s going to be a fantastic
Santa!
What do you like best about Christmas?
It’s Christmas! It’s that magical time when Santa’s here, and everyone’s talking about
presents and reindeer and elves. And it’s snowy!
Isn’t it like that every day at the North Pole?
Yes! Isn’t it great?
What do you like least about Christmas?
Sorry, I don’t understand the question.
What about Christmas don’t you like?
Are you suggesting there’s something wrong with Christmas?
No. Just wondering if there’s anything, even tiny, that you don’t like about it.
Um, it makes everything else boring in comparison? What those other things might be I
don’t know. Can we talk about Christmas?
What’s it like being Santa’s son?
Fantastic. You get to see all the amazing preparations:
• The elves in different training manoeuvres everyday
• Practicing gift drops and making test flights in the S-1 (dad’s mile wide sleighship. I’ve only ever been on it once, when I was seven. I was sick all over a helmsman elf. Never again!)
As Santa’s son, did you and your brother get more presents than other kids?
Actually, dad works so hard, especially on Christmas Eve, that by the time he gets back, he’s usually a bit exhausted. A couple of times, he’s just flopped into bed and fallen asleep and I’d get my present when he woke up on Dec 26th. But I don’t mind. Because my dad is SANTA.
How many Santas have there been?
20. Each Santa hands the reins down to his son. Dad is the 20th. Steve will be Santa
Claus XXI.
I imagine as you’re at the North Pole all the time, you didn’t have many friends besides your brother and the elves?
You’re right. I created some imaginary friends when I was little. But even they thought
my interest in Christmas was a bit excessive and tended to play with each other rather
than me.
I believe your father struggled for a while to find you a job you were suited to.
I’ve had a few careers, yes. I helped out in Maintenance for a while. That didn’t go so
well. Hit the wrong switch, melted the elf barracks. I think dad was a bit irritated,
especially because, being the head of a highly secret polar operation, he can’t get home or
business insurance. (Can’t give an address for the property). Then, while working with
the S-1’s Camouflage Unit, I accidentally pressed the wrong button in the middle of a
practice operation. I’m not meant to discuss mission details, but let’s just say the night
sky over Detroit last March was bright blue with and filled with birds of paradise for 3.22
seconds. Don’t know how we got away with that one. Oops!
But now you have a post you’re happy in?
Yes - the Mail Department! I love it. It brings me directly into contact with the kids, and
even though Steve might disagree, I think Christmas is for them. The moment I open a
letter from a child, I get lost in it. I sometimes write twenty or thirty page replies! The
only problem is I average two kids a day, which isn’t very efficient.
So how do all the letters get answered?
I’m only one of 15,000 Mail Agents. I’m Mail Agent 4776.
Final question. Why do you think you love Christmas so much?
Don’t know. Maybe it gives me a connection to my dad. He loves me, I’m sure, but we don’t always have a lot to talk about. Christmas is an interest we can both share!
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